Saturday, October 28, 2006

The day I discovered I was both fat AND stupid...

I’ve noticed that my blog has been rather on the boring side lately. Fortunately for all of my three readers, I believe I’ve isolated the problem. The problem is I’m lazy and don’t feel nearly as intelligent as I used to. Though I’d like to believe that my present feeling of being less than brilliant is due to some manner of temporary setback, I fear the real answer finds its roots in something somewhat less fleeting…I’m not nearly as egotistical as I once was.

In the past month, I’ve discovered much about myself, my general idiocy is really only one small thing in comparison with the whole. I’ve also learned that I’m slowly becoming the size of a small house…which depressed me so much I ate the cat. (Fortunately for him, he got caught in my throat and I coughed him up as a hairball minutes later.)

Being stupid and fat does, however, have its attributes. For one, I no longer have to worry about what to wear when I get out of bed in the morning. Only the bath towels fit. On a completely unrelated matter, my daughter has quietly but firmly requested that I stop picking her up at school, or, for that matter, appearing in public in general. To be fair to her, we do live in a very small town; so small, in fact, that I’d likely envelop it if I stepped outside.

On a positive note, I’ve recently entered a contest which has me making a post a day for the entire month of November. From what I can tell, I will burn enough calories typing this coming month to finally be able to fit into my Dom DeLuise hat by Christmas.

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