It’s Halloween today. I hate Halloween. I’m not just talking about some slight dislike of the holiday…I’m talking a hatred that would likely melt the face right off of Halloween…if of course, Halloween had a face. To celebrate my adoration of the holiday, I refused to get costumes/ candy/ or into the spirit until the last possible moment. That last possible moment occurred today at the drug store, while I was waiting for my prescription to be filled, and spotted the devil costume my daughter desperately wants. It was 25% off, namely because the shop keep have no idea that some crazy mother hating all things Halloween will actually buy one of these costumes the day the event is supposed to take place. Their loss is my gain, and allowed me enough extra cash to purchase an oversized novelty pitchfork to go with the costume. (Why the makers of the original costume I bought didn’t seem to feel a pitchfork was a required necessity for a devil, I don’t know.)
Because my daughter is not in public school, but rather a chartered Catholic school, she was not permitted to wear the devil costume to her party today. (This is why I was afforded the luxury of waiting until the very last second to do anything about getting the damn thing.) I admit to being slightly taken aback by that. What do you mean my daughter can’t wear her devil costume to school? WHY? It was patiently, and somewhat condescendingly, explained to me that due to the fact that Catholics believe in the devil, no children are permitted to tempt Satan by imitating him. This makes me wonder if perhaps the school has had trouble with Satan in years past. Was there once a case of a child being consumed by flames and devilish laughter whilst dressed as Lucifer last year? And if so, are there any pictures of the soul harvesting I could (cough*sell on eBay*cough) view to properly educate myself about this fatal danger?
As a result of not being permitted to tempt the devil, my daughter opted instead to go to school today in a Princess Peach costume we fashioned out of things around the house. I’m actually quite good at throwing costumes together from odds and ends in the house because I’m really a very (cough*cheap*cough) ingenious little person when I want to be. Unfortunately, I very seldom want to be.
My daughter did have to threaten to spontaneously combust to enlist my aid in this matter, mind you. Like I said, I hate Halloween. I didn’t buy candy this year for the other kids, either. I figure when we get in from trick or treating, we’ll go through little ones haul and redistribute the shitty candy she doesn’t want. Which brings me to my next point; why in hell is Halloween candy so freaking expensive? I looked at it today in the hopes of buying something, and discovered that unless I was willing to shell out $14.99, I wasn’t going home with any neatly package M&M’s. That was just about the time I decided to re-gift the crappy candy my kid gets this year. Tis the season, after all…