Sunday, November 05, 2006

Post #5 of 30, AKA~Still Dreaming, only more concretely so...

Post #5 of 30, AKA: Still Wrestling Incredibly Strong Invisible Bugs

Its 9:30pm, and this is the first I’ve even so much as thought of doing my duty for the month, and spitting out a post of some kind. Frankly, it’s hard as hell to keep posting at the moment. My adorable little one has seen fit to do her part as a member of this loving family, and share her virus. I think it’s hitting me so hard because my immune system is already comprised, what with my medical problems. Whatever it is, it sucks ass.

For the past couple of days, I’ve been throwing up, pooping out everything my bowels ever had a hard time extracting, and walking like a damn drunk due to an inexplicable complete and total loss of my equilibrium. Right now, I feel as though I’m going to lie down and die any moment now. Not to mention the fact I’ve puked up everything I’ve put into my mouth, including medication. How in the hell am I supposed to keep Gravel down if I’m throwing up every five seconds? Fortunately for me, the good people at Gravol thought about this little nugget too, and as a result of their innovative thinking, we now have Ginger Gravol in “Soft Chewable Lozenges”.

I hate being sick. It’s one of those things that I don’t suppose anyone really loves, but I hate it more than anyone else. (I know that because I asked everyone… in the entire world …and they all said I definitely hated being sick more than any of them, so I have proof!!) Because I hate being sick so much that I hid from it all weekend by lounging about in a pair of satin pajama’s, reading things on the computer and sleeping. (Which reminds me: I highly recommend wearing satin pajama’s when you are sick, particularly if you happen to be afflicted with a stomach virus, as the satin slides off the bed smoothly and easily; making it possible to vault out of bed and shoot into the bathroom at speeds you never would have believed possible Despite the obvious disadvantage of being on crutches, I was still able to shoot out of bed and sort of pole vault into the latrine, which I would have thought fabulous if I wasn’t swallowing vomit as quickly as I could as I pole vaulted along in an effort to keep the carpet’s clean…)

The little one seems to be feeling far better, mind you, which makes life a little easier. She magically developed a wee tummy ache and nausea early this evening upon realizing it was, indeed, Sunday night, with a fresh school week commencing bright and early tomorrow morning. Though I suppose I could have offered her Gravol for her troubles, oddly enough, telling her that unless she burst into a giant ball of orange flame, she was damn well going to school tomorrow seemed to work just as well. Puddin’ is currently doing acrobatics on the floor beside me, which is making the entire house shake as though we’re experiencing an earthquake. I often wonder if the neighbors believe I throw her body about when she has these little bursts of energy and leaps about like this… (Though I confess, there are times I want desperately to throw her about when she’s leaping around… it’s enough to drive a saint to distraction!)

I have to admit; lately I’ve been feeling incredibly old. I suppose this is likely a product of having so many medical problems I can easily keep up with the old ladies when they talk about their aches and pains. I’ll be honest and tell you that despite what it looks like, this was never one of my long term goals for life. I know I’m good at being a gimp…hell, I’d even go so far as to say “expert”, but the time has come to discover what else I can do to make use of my many talents.

I’ve actually been giving a lot of thought as to what stage I’m at in my life, and how I would alter that picture if I could. I firmly believe that type of self analysis is important, primarily because, as nutty as it might sound, I completely believe we have the power within us to make virtually all of our dreams come true. More than likely, when you read that, you’re going to ask yourself why it is, if we can make virtually all of our dreams come true, more of us aren’t out there doing just that. The answer is really quite simple; because making dreams come true takes an awful lot of hard work.

I remember when I was about fifteen; I lost a whole bunch of weight. Up until that time, I weighed roughly 180lbs, which at my 5’1” or whatever, made me look as though I was sporting an ass on both the front and back sides of my body. I did this by working out each and every night, watching what I ate, and walking wherever I went; in other words, it was a lot of hard work. About six months afterwards, I happened to be at a church event with my parents, and a lady I used to know when I was grossly overweight approached me and inquired into how I’d managed to lose the weight When I answered her with “working out every night and really watching what I eat”, she seemed disheartened. Why? Because she was looking for an easy answer, something that would achieve the result she desired without requiring any effort or commitment on her part.

I think this is really a rather sad reflection upon our society. Most things in life can now be created in five minutes or less with the use of technology. Nothing really takes great commitment anymore, and because of this, we tend to believe that everything in life should come easily, when that simply can’t, and shouldn’t, be the case. More than that, life can easily become something of a merry-go-round for some folks. They wake up, go to work, make barely enough for their family to survive, and go home. Because their life is so hand to mouth, they don’t dare take steps to change things fearing that they will lose it all if they do.

Making dreams come true is something like losing weight, in that it takes time, commitment and effort, but I do believe it’s entirely possible. That said it’s high time I put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. I’m going to be taking a good, hard look at that analysis I’m working on, and forcing it into three separate columns: a)things I like about my life today b)things I don’t like about my life today c)if I could wave a magic wand, what would I change about my life today? One of the easiest things for me to isolate when I look at that list is the single parenting thing. I don’t want to be alone anymore; however I’m terrified of bringing the wrong person into my baby’s life. On the other hand, I miss sex so much it hurts, and there are days where I would really love for someone to ask me how my day ways, or compliment me on a meal I cooked them.

Clearly, the thing I would change is my single-ness, and if I could wave a magic wand, I would manufacture a sensitive, loving, compassionate and sexy man who would hold me when I cried, help me when my body hurts, make love so well it would damn near heal me, and be the father little one has always wanted. So, the million dollar question is, how the hell do I get from here, Single Town: Population: me, to there Happily Married Town, Population: fantasy me and fantasy husband? There’s a whole lot of thinking that’s going to have to go into this one, so I’m going to off and get that done. I’ll post what I’ve come up with tomorrow. In the meantime, “Internet”, I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on how to meet nice men, and how to ensure that I’m the type of woman that will attract the really nice men, instead of the men who are only nice until they manage to get into your pants and wallet...


Lisa said...

Nice men... hmmm... that's a good question, and one that women in every walk of life are asking. I don't know where to meet nice men but I know you can't meet them in your livingroom (unless they've been invited there from elsewhere) so you will have to get healthy enough to go out of doors. I'll be interested to hear what you come up in your plan of action.

Lisa said...

PS: Until you DO get healthy enough to leave the house, you want to write some science articles for the paper? Call me.